Challenge:
Blog about communication. Who in your life, do you have a hard time communicating with? anyone? blog about it... be as introspective as you feel comfy with.
This is a great challenge for me to blog about this morning, since I didn't get to it Thursday. I have a very had time even trying to communicating with my birth parents. My birth mom(womb donor) has never been able to except that her husband would ever hurt me. He is the very reason that I lived/grew up in foster care from 13 til 21 years of age. I was abused from 6 til 13 by my step-father. And when I finally go brave enough to tell her cause I had enough abuse, my own mom didn't believe me :( I had to tell her ok if you are not going to believe me then I will be calling Grandma & Grandpa and tell them. They would believe me and never second guess what I was telling them. As I was their little pride and joy. Once I said that she believed me and took me to the police station to file a report. It was one of the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But thru all this she still does NOT believe me 100% and blames me for her marriage breaking up. I have never been able to communicate with her. I have always tried to talk with her and she wont listen to me, my feeling or hurt. To this day we no longer talk. I finally had to cut ties with her as she just caused me more and more pain. Beisdes that I have my own famliy to protect now. I am not going to allow her to hurt my boys or husband. I did call her to tell her that Austin was having surgery in August and she never even called to see how that went or anything. It hurts that I can communicate with the one who gave me birth and was to protect me.
The other person I have a very hard time communitcating with is my birth father(sperm donor). I was born and he was no in my life. Then when I 16 and on a home visit celebrating my birth with my little sister. He showed up at my birth mom's home. Wanting to talk to me and gave me a check for $20. Expected me to let him drive me back to my foster home. I dont think so!!!! I had no clue what this man was like or anything about him. He then left as I took off to my best friends house to hide from them. I wanted to go back to my foster home so fast. The next time I seen him I was in a group thru the county to help mend broken relationship with famliy. He came to meet me there and talk. He gave me a 4 page letter telling me he felt sorry for me and what I had to go thru. And if he could take it back, he would. Then had the balls to tell me I wasn't his daughter. HELLO how can that be when the blood test show 99.9%. That wasthe last time I talked to for a few years. I think he has alot of guilt. I called him when I was pregnant with Austin to tell him he was going to be a Grandpa. Hoping this would help mend the broken whole. He told me he loved me and wanted to be in my life. That was all a lie. He hasn't even seem my boys. I didn't talk to him for a while, and when I was planning my marriage to Neal. Called him cause I wanted my dad to be there. He refused to come and said I had a chip on my shoulder and only wanted his money. I dont give a S*** about your money. I just want my dad to be in my lie. Its been very hard cause I have wrote him, sent pictures and such but nothing in return.
I know this is a very touching entry but it has made me feel a little better deep down to get it out. I just wish I could communicate with both my birth parents like so many others do. I am making sure my boys know they can talk to me about anything. I dont ever want them to think they cant communicate with me. As I know what kind of hurt that give a person.
If you have read this far thank you. Its a very painful part of my life.
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5 comments:
i have the same problem with my mother. why do parents do this to there children. i have learned how it feels to be ignored and will not continue in this process to my children. good luck..
About your father...
Please know that forgiveness and reconciliation are two very different things.
I forgave my father for abandoning me, but we are not buddy-buddy right now. He is a destructive influence on my life, and I have decided that it's okay to protect myself from him.
For a long time, I tried to maintain communication with him. But it did not work, and it was destructive to me. So, I stopped.
Forgiveness takes one person. The choice to forgive frees that one person from anger and bitterness. It is a wise choice, and I am happy to have made it.
Reconciliation takes two people. If one of those people is abusive or in deep denial, saying things like "You are not my daughter" or "None of those things ever happened to you" then reconciliation might not take place.
You want your dad to be there.
That is a natural longing. He just might never be capable of living up to your (perfectly understandable) expectations.
Maybe you will find a father-figure in someone else or... maybe you won't.
(In my life, some men who offered to serve as substitute "father-figures" ended up being rather perverse - sorry, but it's true. They probably started out with good intentions, and then digressed).
The bottom line is: This is not a reflection of you. If your dad is a putz, that doesn't mean that you are not a loveable person.
It's just that people have their personal limitations. I, personally, am not good at Algebra. And some fathers seem incapable of love.
But you are a loveable person.
Period.
That's the truth that was freeing for me, and I hope it rings true for you also,
Lisa
http://sunshinegirlonarainyday.blogspot.com/
Maureen-
Just wanted to send you a hug...
ps
I was really happy to see you won Bonnie's prize! Way to go!!!
I guessed 372..how weird????
Ann Marie
Maureen, I missed reading this post and now that I've read it, I just wanted to send you a big ((HUG)). I agree with the previous poster, all this mess is not a reflection of you and who you are. You are way, way better than that and I am so sorry that you had to go through such tremendous amount of pain in your childhood. Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, it is not a feeling, it is a choice you make to free yourself from those who have offended and hurt you. You can make the choice to forgive your birth parents and you don't have to try and fix the relationships. You can decide who can be a part of your life and of your precious children's lives. You have done everything in your power to restore the broken ties and they have chosen not to have the privilege to be in your life. They are missing out big time, you're a wonderful human being and without fully knowing you, I know your heart is in the right place. Leave it in God's hands, don't blame yourself for anything, because what happened to you, has nothing to do with you, ok? Chin up my friend! (((HUGS)))
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