I found out some very sad/hard news last night. My oldest son Austin wants to move with his dad. He is going to finish the school year out here. Move there and come to our place every other weekend. At least I hope he wants to visit. See when he is with his dad its great. They do tons of fun stuff and daddy babies him. To the point is to much almost. I'm very hurt as I've always went out of my way to make sure he is taken care of and had what he needed and wanted. Even when I was a single mother living on $480 a month. I mean when I didn't get Child Support for over a year, I still made sure he didn't need anything. He doesn't respect us, appreciate anything we do. But, I'm worried he is going to go down the path of being lazy and not trying to make better for himself. I mean his dad is 40 and still living with mommy. Austin will not even have his own room there. All he is worried about is leaving behind his friends. NOT Me, his step dad or little brother. I'm so hurt I just don't know what to do about it. I don't want to make him stay here and rebel, get with the wrong crowd, start getting in trouble with school. Part of me hopes that once he has been there for a few months he will see what he had at our home. This is something I have never expected. I feel like I have failed as a mother.
So if any of you that read my blog have dealt with this type of thing PLEASE give me some advice or help how to deal with this very sad time. My heart just hurts.
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12 comments:
I'm so sorry Maureen. Sending you hugs. I have no words of advice, as I don't have children yet, but I can just imagine how much your heart aches.
((HUGS!!))
Maureen, I'm so sad to hear these news. I don't have any advice in terms of what to do but one thing that I can tell you is that you must keep the lines of communication open. Keep in touch with him at all times, call him, write to him and go visit him every chance you get. You haven't failed as a mother, you're a good person and your heart is good. Austin needs to know that you will always be there for him no matter what.
(((HUGS))) to you and Devin.
I wish I could tell you something that will make it alright for and your family, my heart goes out to you. I can only say, ALWAYS be there for him, always tell him you love him no matter what, be nice to his father, and let him know the door is always open. He looks like a gorgeous boy, and it must be a hard choice for him to make too. Let him know you respect his decision, don't be angry at him. and be kind to yourself, I know it must be hard, but maybe he thinks life will be better (greener on the other side and all). Pray for him, and make sure he has fun when he comes home :) Many prayers for you!
I'm not sure what you should do, but my parent's divorced when I was 5 and for a long time it was a struggle for me to understand why my mom was so "hard" on me (she wasn't really but thats how I saw it). And there were many times when she was hard on me that I said things like I'll just move away and go live with dad. It never happened and I don't think it would have lasted very long-it would have been worse but in my mind it seemed like a glorious escape, freedom. But I would agree with the others, always stay in touch with him, always tell him how much you love and even that you miss him and that everyone else misses him, and he will miss you, he might not tell you but he will. And I guess you let him go and figure it out on his own that he really had something good where he was. But I imagine if you made him stay that he would resent you all and it would make it worse. Good luck to you and know that you have people thinking of you! ((Hugs))
Oh Honey.. a mother/son bond is VERY hard to break... sounds to me that Austin is looking for "fun" right now...and I'm sorry that you have to deal with this..I too was a single mom living off about the same and no support... so I fully understand that part...!! How about I pray for you and your situation!!! I'll give you many hugs and thoughts!!!! I'll be back and keep in touch!! You're in NO way a failure as a MOMMY!!! and He will see that and know that!!!
Maureen, I am soooo sorry for what you are going through. I agree with the other ladies; it sounds like Austin thinks that the grass will be "greener" on the other side and perhaps the best thing to do is for him to find out for himself that it isn't. I don't have any wisdom to impart here because I've never experienced what you're going through, but wanted to send you (((hugs))).
Gentle Hugs to you and yours, I have no advice but you are in thoughts..my heart aches for you!
Oh Maureen, I am so sorry to hear you are going thru this... hopefully he will soon realise what he had and appreciate you all the more. Best of luck; wish I could do more for you.
I have never been in your situation and my parents were never divorced, however, I remember putting my parents through hell, and thinking that they would hate me for what I put them through. I realize now that no matter what I did they loved me, and your son will know the same.
It may take years, but trust me, he will know that you love him and he will feel terrible about how he has treated his parent(s), it's always that way!
I'm sorry to hear this as well. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and as everyone else said, keep the lines of communication open. As you said, he may realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side after a few months. You're doing avery selfless thing in allowing him to go and see what it'll be like. I'll be thinking about you...
((((((hugs))))) I haven't dealt with this as of yet, and when I do, I have the feeling that when I do, I'm going to be a lot more "No way! Not your choice, go ahead & resent me or take me to court" than many...
That said, I don't know how old Austin is or how serious you think he is. BUT one thing I do when I feel my kids are making a poor decision is I give them an amount of time we need to wait before deciding. I say, "If you still feel this way at the end of summer vacation (or by your birthday or whenever a reasonable amount of time I feel has passed), then we'll talk about it again and decide."
I feel like that gives them time to think about it and really make a good decision instead of an impulsive one. Plus I figure that if months later they still want the same thing, it's less likely that they were being influenced by an ulterior motive.
Another thing you could think about could be telling him you understand he thinks he needs more time with his dad & figuring out how to get him just enough extra time so he feels like you listened and heard his problem & did something about it even without going as far as he wants. But that kind of depends on his age and personality I imagine.
Anyway, sorry this is so long & I'm sorry that you're having to think about this at all. I hope you guys come to a solution that's good for everyone. (and how'd I miss this one all the way since the NINTH?!?!?)
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